Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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