the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
