So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can text with my tongue
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
