Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
