You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
