I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
