she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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