her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize