I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
