I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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