I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
