i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
