you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
