What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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