I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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