Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
