The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize