I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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