I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize