Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
