I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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