I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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