Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They have beer where we have blood.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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