I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
