Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize