I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
