The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
