ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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