why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
