I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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