It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My life is pants optional.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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