Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
