She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Shame is for Republicans.
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