Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
