I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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