I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i drank out of a bidet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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