My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
