So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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