so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
