Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
