Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
