I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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