Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
