If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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