i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
