We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize