you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And then he peed in my hair
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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