Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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