You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
