somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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