why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
