Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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