My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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