I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
