A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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