A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to fling myself into the sun
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
