I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
