forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
