I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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