well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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