Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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