he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
