ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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