the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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