I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
