Your mouth is God's brothel.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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