uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize