I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
