as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
