bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
