I accidentally had phone sex last night
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
