I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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