Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
